The other day when I went shopping with Isaiah for our daily bread, I started to think about the future. I started to think about B2. Isaiah and B2 and grocery shopping. Hmmm. God must have some big things planned in that department, I thought to myself as I pushed Isaiah in the stroller through the snow with groceries on my back and in the basket of the stroller. Then I started to feel overwhelmed.
If I were in the States, I continued to think to myself, I would have a car, and life would be much easier. That car would be parked in my driveway in a regular predictable spot as opposed to who knows where, hopefully close to our apartment building regularly covered in snow during the winter (the car, that is, although there is a good amount of snow on the building, too). I imagined taking turns carrying the kids out to the car that was parked by a house and then the alternative, which didn't seem all that appealing.
Before I start to sound too depressed, let me first say, that I do think some of this is hormonal. I am thrilled to be having another child! I can't wait to call him by name in about 8 more weeks. I talk to Isaiah every day about his little brother or sister. I praise God for this new gift to our family.
The reality of the matter is, however, that life in this country with one child who can't walk is just plain hard. I think that I feel the walls of our apartment kind of closing in around me like they did in our first apartment when I couldn't even go grocery shopping for our family because the stroller wouldn't fit in the stores near us. (sidenote: It's truly the grace of God that I now enjoy grocery shopping; if you could ask my mom, she would tell you that grocery shopping was the absolute last thing that I ever wanted to do!) I realize that Thomas is going to have to step back into that role for our family again like he did that first year. My mobility will be limited again. I'm trying to mentally prepare for that change.
I realize that this post is sort of disheveled, but that's where my thoughts are right now. The foundation is that I know that God is in control, and I am resting in His sovereignty. The daily life is wondering how His plan will play out. I know that He is my strength. I know that I want to be faithful to Him. I know that He will enable me to do what He has called me to do. I need your prayers for peace and comfort and ability to trust in God when these unpleasant thoughts come into my head. I must remember what God has called me to do--to be Thomas' wife and Isaiah and B2's mama and then to learn Russian. I need to remember how being Thomas' wife and Isaiah and B2's mama in a biblical way is most glorifying and honoring to God, even if I get cabin fever. :)
3 comments:
I have wanted to post on here for a while. I wanted to give some good advice for you but you did an excellent job yourself! It is one thing to say it and another thing to live it! Believe me I know it!
Let me encourage you to continue to remember the truths you wrote about. You are the perfect mother for this child. Enjoy every moment of this pregnancy. Enjoy every moment with Isaiah and Thomas as a cute family of three. And look forward to the awesome job of motherhood with two. It only gets better and better!!!!!!
Thanks, Carrie! I appreciate your encouragement, especially as one who has walked this road already! :)
Where you are makes so much sense to me, I think I'd be feeling the same way if I were in your shoes. I am praying!
Post a Comment